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University:  University of South Alabama - USA

Greek Organization:  Tau Kappa Epsilon

Author:  Billy Mays Here

Comment:  Hi, Billy Mays here for TKE! Are you a GEED who wants to go Greek but don't want things like giving back to the academic community or rendering any public service of any kind getting in the way? Have you thought about rushing Sig Chi but your parents' tax returns don't look that great? Is the thought of having to party at a frat house on a dry campus a major issue for you? Then no worries! The TKE 5000 has you covered! This amazing product is top-of-the-line and comes with the following features. First, TKE has a dilapidated house off campus that looks like a homeless camp but no worries bro! Every time you walk through the door, there will always be a brother there to spot you with a beer or a bowl of the good stuff. Second, don't worry about your grades. Grades are just numbers in a computer that the school uses to punish guys who know how to party. Remember, you can always do grade replacement when you're a sixth-year senior brah! Finally, it's okay to have the courage to go after big girls as a TKE. Not only will your bros encourage you to take a chance and drunkenly ask that 250 pound girl to go back to your room, chances are, your big has probably already slept with her at least twice anyway. Call 1-800-OKWHYNOT to order now! But wait.....there's more! Call in the next 30 minutes and you'll receive a complementary shot of penicillin. As a TKE, your GPA isn't going to be the only thing burning up in flames so go ahead and preorder. Remember, their slogan isn't "Better men for a better world" anymore but "Hey as long as it's curable." Operators are standing by...well if they're not too high to hit the green button on their phones. Call now!\n\n\n\n\n