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Consider Sigma Delta Tau. It's an NPC sorority, but does not participate in formal recruitment. They have a close sisterhood, a small house, and do most of the same things the sororities with big houses do. They take "non-traditional" students, and have some very outstanding women. Frankly, you should go through formal. You would learn a LOT, meet a lot of people...you could find a group, or not, but one way or another, it would be quite an experience! And would help in looking at other groups.