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As a sophomore, I nodded compliantly. The rush chairs were stern in their demands, and so we let them set the serious yet excited tone to gossip about all things recruitment. They encouraged us to talk about our personal experiences with recruitment and to join in enthusiastically in agreement or disagreement with each other. Their curious eyes lit up as we told them of Zeta Beta Gamma's truffle desserts and Pi Mu's heart-wrenching philanthropy presentation. Their fingers typed furiously as they sat opposite us. ​ They whispered through their smiles as we walked away.​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ A year later, it was my turn. And, like everything else, the Coffee Dates were lies and disguises.  ​ The smiling former recruitment chairs finally let the four of us hear the whispers. They told us of the national policies that we would need to follow in order to be the most desirable chapter on campus. They told us that the superficial scoring—the messed up way in which we determined the value of potential sisters—didn't end upon membership; it just changed.  ​ ​ ​ ​ They told us that we would need to rank the current sisters of Beta Delta on a scale of 1-10 in order to determine their "recruiting strength." 30% of that score would be determined by how personable and outgoing they were and how positive they seemed about the recruitment process in general. 70% percent of that score would be their External Score.   ​ They were all sisters, and their External Prescores had once been high enough to grant them membership. Their seven-and-above External Scores, however, had been relative to 1,200 PNMs. Now, we would need to score them relative to each other, and they couldn't all be scored highly—they couldn't all be equally worthy of meeting our most desirable recruits. So, we looked at our friends and sisters and belittled their worth into only numbers. ​ The Coffee Dates were only a discrete way to ask the vicious questions. ​ How much did you enjoy talking to girls while you were going through recruitment?​ How much will girls enjoy talking to you during recruitment? ​ What other house would you have done if you hadn't done Beta Delta? Did other "top" houses want you? In other words, did you "rush well"? ​ Whispering smiles What's her External Score relative to the rest of the chapter? ​ ​ These were girls I would enjoy these four years with. These were girls I would maybe one day ask for career advice or professional help. These were girls I would be connected to forever. These were some of my closest friends. Who was I to label them with numbers—numbers that would represent how pretty and how personable I thought they were that would thus define how well I thought they would be able to recruit new members into our "sisterhood"? ​ Who was I?