Little 500 Recap - A short story

Jump, jump— a little higher. What a mediocre way to end the week. The week actually started strong, but everything went off the rails on Thursday when campus turned into Parkway Gardens (O-Block for the non-ball knowers). Sig Ep became a damn prison, with people getting stabbed while trying to serve their time in that hell hole. On the other end of the extension, we remember why it’s a terrible idea to solo-squad no-fill against a bunch of racked Pi Kapps kids.

If you thought things couldn’t get worse, you were wrong—just like my sad excuse for a stock portfolio. Greek life kept nosediving with yet another mid-afternoon at the FACtory. God, that place sucks. BUNT was fun for the five minutes I could actually see the guy before some mid Chi O chick started throwing elbows to reach the front.

Then came Saturday. Phi Sig threw a decent party but still has no clue how much booze to buy. The race was ass again, with some random geeds taking the dub. I was at least entertained by the short ginger screaming about how big of homosexuals the Black Key Bulls were on the walk-out. On the alters I got to lay eyes on the great Connor Peck one last time before he slips into legend. Finally, with the lay-up of the century, Phi Psi pulled a Rory McIlroy—imploding on the 18th. Just when it looked like the semester’s final night would end in sorrow with a personal pizza, AEPi came out of left field and actually threw a solid Saturday-night party. Maybe it was the racked chop session deep in the woods, or the probably laced cart rips, but I somehow managed to enjoy myself at AEPi this semester. As the sun peeked over the row one last time, the four horsemen of Greek life gathered, wondering what this street will be without them.

2024-2025 Greek life credits: Peck, FSG, bag, my unreliable weed dealer, that blonde girl always on a DJ stand, everyone who got clipped frat-flicking, the DJ who always rocks the weird durag, Blowy Boy, Theta (still not sure they’re real), and Beta Sig—worst farewell tour ever; get Acacia here now.

Thanks for reading.