A story from a forgotten time

The Great Mega Beta vs. Skulls Pirate Duel of Indiana University
It was a chilly October night in Bloomington, the kind of night when legends are born and bad decisions are made. The fraternities of Mega Beta and Skulls had been feuding for weeks over a critical piece of real estate—a narrow alleyway between their houses that was prime for late-night darties, covert beer pong operations, and the occasional scooter jousting match.

Things had been escalating: stolen banners, intercepted pizza deliveries, and even a mysterious incident where someone swapped out Skulls' prized keg with a barrel of pickle juice. Both sides agreed that enough was enough. It was time for a duel—but not just any duel. A medieval pirate duel.

The Call to Arms
Mack Eisenbies, the self-proclaimed "Admiral of Mega Beta," stood atop a wobbly wooden table in their chapter house, wearing an oversized pirate hat he had definitely borrowed from a Halloween store.

“Men! Brothers! Fraternity gentlemen of the highest standing!” he shouted, adjusting his eyepatch (which he had purely for aesthetic reasons). “The Skulls have trespassed upon our sacred ground for too long! Tonight, we reclaim what is rightfully ours!”

The Mega Betas roared in approval, some waving stolen lacrosse sticks as makeshift swords. Meanwhile, Possick’s brother, known only as “Captain Girthbeard” (due to an unfortunate nickname-giving tradition), was rallying the Skulls in their dimly lit basement.

“The time has come,” Girthbeard declared, slamming a goblet of questionable jungle juice onto the table. “Tonight, we take back the alley! Grab your plastic swords, your dodgeballs, and, if necessary, your econ textbooks to use as shields!”

The Battle Begins
At precisely midnight, the two sides met in the alleyway. The Mega Betas arrived in full pirate regalia—bandanas, eye patches, and foam swords stolen from a party store. The Skulls, however, had leaned more into the medieval theme, showing up with cardboard shields and pool noodles wrapped in aluminum foil for “authentic” swords.

The first move came from Mack Eisenbies himself, who hurled a water balloon filled with Red Bull directly at Captain Girthbeard’s chest. The impact sent the Skulls into a frenzy, launching dodgeballs, half-eaten breadsticks, and one guy’s actual homework into the fray.

For a solid twenty minutes, the battle raged on. Someone from Mega Beta got tangled in their own hammock-turned-net, while a Skulls pledge attempted to summon reinforcements via Snapchat. Possick’s brother, wielding a plunger for some reason, managed to deflect three water balloons before getting tackled into a bush.

The Aftermath
Just when it seemed the Mega Betas were gaining the upper hand, the true authority arrived: IU Campus Security.

“Alright, what in the actual hell is going on here?” the officer asked, staring at a group of fully grown college students dressed like a mix of Captain Jack Sparrow and a Renaissance fair reject.

Both sides froze. Mack Eisenbies, still clutching a foam cutlass, tried to explain. “Sir, this is… uh… a historical reenactment for our History of Seafaring Warfare class.”

Captain Girthbeard quickly nodded in agreement. “Yeah, extra credit. Very important.”

After a long, silent stare, the officer sighed. “Get inside before I write every single one of you up.”

And just like that, the battle ended. Both sides begrudgingly shook hands, agreed to a beer pong truce, and dispersed back to their houses.