Alcohol Usage on campus

Hello ladies and gentlemen,
I just want to start off with how truly appalled I am with the alcohol usage on this campus. We are not 21 yet people! The amount of times I’ve had to talk to the cops when reporting underage drinking is truly depressing. I hate to be a negative nelly, but the drinking culture has got to change on this campus and I, Eli Verdun, will enact that change. Starting tomorrow, I will put in place a task force against drinking unlike any other seen before including the toughest enforcers on this campus. Me, myself, and I will battle this drinking problem until I see no illegal activities taking place in front of my very eyes ever again. It is with great pleasure I deliver this news.
Thank you all very much. Have a great thanksgiving break :)