top-tier d^k rankings (real!!!)

Honest review of the top-tier d^ks in greek-life

Top-of-Top:
SAE/PIKE/Phi Psi

SAE: The reigning d^k champions. (barely)
Downside: Sophomores d^ks are of lower girth, and I’d assume the same goes for the freshmen.

PIKE: Fun phcking d^ks. Like so fun. Like, if someone told me they only bid kids with fun, phat phking d^ks I'd believe them.
Downside: These things get a lot of use so protection is definitely recommended.

Phi Psi: Every one of them is slightly above average. Except for that huge Indian kid’s, I bet his is crazy.
Downside: Due to them all just being slightly above average, they are the most forgettable.

Bottom-of-top:
Theta Chi: Effective, I’ll give them that.
Downside: honestly some of the stumpiest d^ks. Short, vascular, and angry looking. Or maybe I’m just annoyed because I’m in (redacted) and we mix with them so much.

Fiji: Pretty good looking and well-maintained.
Downside: Far more flaccid than all other top greek life d^ks. It's a shame their owners are so lacking in virility.

Everyone else: There probably are some great, unknown d^ks, but I don't care enough about this stuff to do all the research.