The General’s Thoughts on Recent Scandal

First comes first: I would like to clear up the fog of confusion regarding the violence between a child of Delta Sigma Phi and a woman of Alpha Delta Pi. I can confirm based on my own presence during this despicable presentation that a Delta Sissy Phi managed to rev up enough “man” power to lay a hand on a lady. A lady.

Now I want to say my true thoughts. My uncensored, unedited, truth. In my long career as the General, I have been committed to being a neutral, observant force in the incredibly important Greek Life world. Now, however, I am unable to hide my emotions.

When I got word of this, I felt a tear of lost pride slip out of my eye. I’ve been on the battlefield myself, as I am the General, and never once, even in the hot sun beating upon my mens’ trodden backs, did they resort to animalistic violence in this matter.

One of my key principles is that a woman is God’s highest matter (why I am a major proponent of giving amazing head). This behavior, and, further, its lack of acknowledgement from the Barn Boys themselves, is, thus, indicative of disrespecting the art of God as well as giving bad head.

I am speechless but I, as I have never been, am not shocked.

I knew the clock was ticking… I just didn’t realize how fast.

If any of these boys would like to reach out and ask for my counsel, on how to move on from this situation as well as tips on loving a woman sensually and powerfully, I am always there.

Stay vigilante. Rise.