The best Indians are FRUITARIAN SOBER CELIBATES

Indians aren't even supposed to have a mozzarella stick and the ones that try even a cashew go to Narak in the afterlife because they didn't honor their fruitarian heritage. Indian legends that eat carnitas are dissidents who are targeted as the real degenerates starting at 8:48AM. Indians really can't and if you want to know, every Indian legend wants to have a word with me about being called Bharatan because India has 0 hope in being remembered as anything but feces smearing hypocrisy laden gay men who can't eat their own spicy shrimps and who have a dream pair of flip flops, me never being remembered as Bharatan because I eat burgers and don't smell like burger spread and mustard