what do i do

for the past few months of my life ive been in a really dark place and i can't take it anymore. everybody in my gamma chi group ended up in a house that they love and i see people who arent even in greek life go to parties and have friends and get to have fun and im the complete opposite. this summer i was so determined to make friends and get into a house that i loved and go out but that didnt happen at all. i made 0 new friends this semester and i completely lost all my motivation to talk to anybody new again. i have no friends in my house despite trying my hardest to be nice to everyone and nobody cares, i feel so alone and i cry so much when i see peoples posts on instagram of them having fun while i rot in my bed. i was so depressed all summer and this year made it even worse. theres one girl in my gamma chi group who was so beautiful it was unreal, she ran to aphi and i idolize her so much in every way. she is skinny and beautiful and has so many friends and is always happy whenever i see her in person and it makes me so sad knowing that i will never be her. i'm missing out on all the fun, i only went to 1 party all semester and tried to go to more but i couldnt because i couldnt get on any lists because i dont have any friends and it feels like no matter how hard i try i just end up even worse, i didnt have friends in high school and i dont have any friends in college and everything about my life sucks so much, i feel like a ghost whos pretending to live a life i dont have which has been so hard to live with recently but i cant take it anymore nothing helps i cant even shower anymore this is a cry for help