a love letter to my sorority

my sorority is full of kind, caring and generous women but this isn’t for me. everything i see in them is an absence of what i have. i don’t have a personality or anything interesting about me, i just know how to imitate people well enough to get by. the girls in my sorority are sweet and happy and have friends and i’ve never been able to achieve that. college has really made me hate myself and i thought a sorority would help me finally be able to relate to other people and not be trapped in my mental illness but that’s not the case. i’ve never had a social life before and i’v tried working on a serious glow up but i’m just unfixable no matter what. i feel like a waste of a bed in the house — another girl who didn’t receive a bid from this house deserved it over me. i feel so empty and alone in my house and at this school too. i was way happier in the state i grew up in but i don’t want to take the risk by transferring to my state school because my chapter doesn’t exist there, and sororities aren’t really a thing at that school to begin with. sometimes when i used to text girls with a leadership position about how i feel they would be so kind to me and i felt so reassured that i would cry sometimes reading their messages. i really hate myself and i hate living like this and feeling like there’s no way out but i wanted to shoutout my sorority for still being full of good people despite all the bad things people say about sororities on here. i don’t belong in our house but this is the best house i ever could’ve asked to join.