sorority rush fall 2023

i am a sophomore who has been pledging a lower tier house for the past four weeks and even though all the girls are sweet, i still feel terrible whenever i click on purdue panhellenic and see aphi and kkg’s pages. the girls all look close and like they’re having so much fun and i feel so left out. initiation isn’t far away but i hate myself for being in this house. this summer i was so obsessed with rushing that i used rush as motivation to lose weight in the gym and photoshopping my pictures on social media, perfecting my makeup and learning how to style my hair so that i would have a better shot rush. maybe it was just that i didn’t have any connections as a sophomore, but i feel horrible about myself. i lost my appetite, i’ve been starving myself and i can’t bring myself to enjoy being at college so far. i got dropped from almost all the houses immediately and ended up getting dropped complete after second invite. i messaged every single house for COB, got three messages back, and got offered one bid which i took. but i don’t feel happy inside. i hate myself for not being in a top house and i hate myself even more for not having any of the girls actually like me enough to keep me in the recruitment process. if i drop from my house now then i will be left with no friends at purdue. does anyone have any advice or know what to suggest for someone in this position?