i might be the most unlucky pnm ever

so i went through recruitment last year and had great conversations with girls in adpi, axid, dg, and zeta. i open my philanthropy schedule and only get gphi and agd back which were my bottom two. i still go through philo and pref rounds but end up dropping after because i wanted the opportunity to do spring cob. i go to the adpi and axid events in the spring and have a good time but still no bid. i sign up for fall recruitment again this year and put a lot of detail into the registration form, got cuter outfits, and got letters of recommendation. i had wonderful conversations at zeta, chio, axid, dz, and adpi but of course on philanthropy i open my schedule and get gphi and agd back again. this year i dropped right after getting my schedule bc i already know what their philo and pref rounds are like and i know i don’t wanna join them. but now i’m just crushed for the third time and i don’t know what i’m doing wrong at this point.