am i wrong to be raw about the way this went
by: ex-pnm
On pref day, I have 3 houses, 1 I loved (call that House A) and the other 2 I am not feeling (House B and C). When I go to House A I feel like they showed me maximum love, they said stuff like "I can't wait to see you wearing our letters". House B and C, I don't feel any connections there at all. So I go to fill out my Bid Card and I fell like I have a lot of pressure to completely fill it out, that suiciding is a really bad idea. So I fill all 3 houses in, in my mind it's not going to matter because House A will come through. Come Bid Day, House A disappears, I get bid from House B. My gamma chi is telling me go to House B, but I am not feeling them at all, and I am surrounded by 1000 screaming happy girls, and I just wish the ground would swallow me up. I decide to pass on House B, I am just not willing to spend all that time and money trying to force something that feels wrong from the start. So I take the walk of shame, good times.
I am wondering:
1) Am I wrong to be unhappy with House A? I just don't see how they could have been any more aggressive towards making me think I was getting a bid, and at the very least they had to have known that I was at best a maybe.
2) Am i wrong to be unhappy towards the girls that said suiciding was bad? Obviously, I still would have no bid, but I would have been spared that scene on Bid Day, it's not going to make the highlight reel of my college years
Or maybe I was just stupid and all of this is on me?
#1by: Well
Comment#2by: Nooooo!
You are NOT stupid. You went with your heart and did what you thought was best for YOU by not accepting that bid. I don't know where you are from but as I am sure you realize by now some of these girls are raised/trained from a young age on rush and how to prepare for it. And I, like you, thought all I had to do was to buy cute clothes, have good hair and nails and be friendly. I never thought of myself as a sorority girl and never imagined I would be in the greek system. So, I wasn't gonna change into something I am not to be accepted by a group of girls I didn't know. It did work out for me, but as I hear stories like yours I realize how lucky I am that it did. I don't know the rules, but maybe you can find someone in Panhellenic to talk to about what happened and see if there is a way to spring rush. It can't hurt. I read you're a post and completely understood how you were feeling and how the advice you got may not have been the best for you. Try it, it can't hurt.
#3by: Hoping the best for you
A very similar situation happened to a friend of mine last year. She ended up getting very involved on campus, still attending parties and getting to know people in Greek life. She went through again this Fall knowing more about each chapter and having friends. She had a full pref card and got a bid to her number one choice. Upperclassman quota could work in your favor if you stay positive and make friends. Good luck!
#4by: UTK
Sorry this happened to you. But even if you had suicided, you are still under contract and can't join a house for a year. So don't feel like you did the wrong thing. The purpose of recruitment is to place a PNM in a house but not a particular house. If you truly want to be Greek, the idea is that you can be happy in any house because they all do and participate in the same things. There are 150+ girls in each soroity and 60+ pledges. With numbers like that finding friends within a house would be easy. UT has an upperclassman quota so participating in recruitment next year is an option for you. Enjoy your freshman year because there is always a lot to do on campus.
#5by: Advice
You should have given house b a chance. Obviously they saw similarities between the two of you. Recruitment is a bunch of fake surface level conversations and a hot mess of nerves and sleep deprivation. Either way you can't take a bid for a year and you don't have to pay dues up until imitation so you could've spent a month or more with them to really get a feel for them. You might've missed out on a group of girls who could've been your best friends for the next 20 years.
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by: ^
I can't go through spring rush because I passed on the bid from House B, that's part of the bid contract... thats another reason I am unhappy with the no suicide advice. As far as I am concerned, that was really bad advice. I know ultimately I was the one who wrote those name down, so I can't dodge all the responsibility, but I was listening to people who I thought knew better than me, this was my first rush. I now think that rush is not really geared towards the pnm, it is more slanted towards the houses and panhellenic as a whole (I mean the quota system is not helping pnms get into the house they want, and banning me from spring rush and COB because I turned down a bid from a house that was never gonna be right for me is not helping me get into a house)... So in some ways I do feel like I deserve to be called stupid, because I didn't have a clue what rush was really about, I just bought some cute clothes and shoes and thought I was good to go
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