Pre-Rush Advice for Guys

Well, it's that time of the year again. Where bright-eyed 18 year-olds pack their Patagonia and flannels and commence on a two-week journey of awkward conversation and pong colloquially known as Rush.

However, this year, rush will be online, so I'll be giving these glorified high-schoolers adjusted advice for how to end up in top-tier fraternities.

DO: Wear as much Vineyard Vines as possible (to show them you have a house in Nantucket)

DO: Be a yes man and agree with everything the brothers say (they love that)

DO NOT: Reveal any genuine aspects of your personality (why would this matter with the guys you're spending your next 4 years with?)

DO: Send the Zoom link to an old high school fling to show the brothers that you pull

DO: Ask the brothers what they think of their GreekRank profile

DO NOT: base where you rush second and third round on which guys you vibe with the most

Good luck to all those looking to rush this year. Just remember, if you get sent to your own breakout room with no one else in it, that just means the brothers want you back next round.