dropping and re-rushing fall 2018?
by: New member
Long story short I don't feel welcome in my chapter, which will remain unnamed. I have made around 4-6 friends in my pledge class and the same amount with current members, including my big. But the rest of the members aren't very friendly at all. I'll be with my friends and say hi and they'll ignore me, or I'll get dirty looks during chapter. I am not the only one in my pledge class who feels this way. I dread going to chapter meetings and seeing these people.
I just hate knowing my parents are spending so much for me to be in a house where I don't feel welcome. I don't know whether I should drop and re-rush. Am I just demanding perfection? Obviously I know I won't be best of friends with everyone, but I'd at least enjoy to be cordial with the majority of my house.
Has anyone dropped and re-rushed? Part of me would feel bad bc I have made some really great friends, but part of me also feels uneasy in my current situation.
Will houses take me next fall as a junior who dropped and re-rushed? Should I just stick it out? Honestly any advice is helpful, and at this point I just want a solid group of people and don't care about a houses ranking.
Comment#2by: hey there
if your house has any sort of education or new member officer, or just an older sister that you feel you can talk to confidentially, it might be worth going to her and being frank about what you're experiencing. I had a similar situation when I first joined my house, and talking to a new member/education officer made me feel a lot better, and she spoke to actives about some of the problems I brought up. It's worth taking the time to go to someone with your issues considering the trouble and expense of rerushing. (Also if you're already initiated, you can't rerush.)
#3by: ok
if you've already been initiated you can't re-rush. I'm sorry that you feel this way :( def talk to some people before initiation (if it's not too late) including your big and maybe your pledge sisters? Sounds like your house doesn't have the greatest sisterhood and i'm sorry to hear that. Honestly if you want then drop and try fall rush again (or spring if that's allowed) best of luck everything will be ok!!
#4by: yet
If you are a sister then its not possible to join another house ever. Sorry. Your only option if you can't figure out a way to make it work is to deactivate. This is a drastic step and given the size of most houses I find it really hard to believe you can't find a friend group in-house. If the situation is unbearable then by all means drop but take a look at yourself and your expectations of the house before taking that big step to deactivate.
#5by: so
Like other said, if you are initiated then re-rushing isn't an option. I would be careful about looking at other houses with rose-colored glasses. 4-6+ genuine friends in a house is plenty. I'm in a house that's known for its good sisterhood and honestly that is the amount of friends I would say I have in the house as a second year. There are also plenty of members that I am friendly with but not friends with, and there are still others I don't get along with at all. Even in my house that is known for its sisterhood, there are members that don't like each other etc. There are also cliques in the sense that if I have a bad run-in with a girl, the friends of that girl will not want to associate me either. It is part of being in a group as large at the sororities at Cal. It's worth talking about to someone if this issue is widespread, but keep in mind that things like this occur at every house, so please don't regret your decision and dwell on other houses that you could have chosen instead. If you've made good friends, your house doesn't need to be perfect -- do you feel you are getting something positive out of the activities etc? Can you see yourself pursuing leadership roles in the house? If you see the house as a place where you are allowed to grow and can foster friendships than stay. If you feel there is nothing for you then leave. But it sounds like aside from this issue, you do have a good amount of friends in the house.
#6by: Original Poster
by: hey
by: B
Not sure. Cal's panhellenic may have a policy to try to protect their associate member chapters from predatory NPC chapters that might attempt to quick-poach from locals, and vice versa.
When I was a sorority member at Cal we didn't have any associate panhellenic member chapters so it wasn't an issue that ever came up.
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by: mar
I hear you on the financial issues as they are real. But as a senior I can tell you that how I felt about my house evolved over 4 years. In many respects I've learned so much being part of a house organization over the years. The things I've seen and learned are things I never would learn in class and there were certainly ups and downs over the years. Finding your way in a large group of people takes time, compromise and a fair amount of patience. No family/house is perfect! I'm not sure how involved you are in your house but for me at least it made a huge difference to seek out leadership roles and volunteer opportunities. These large pledge classes are making the house dynamics challenging so its not as easy to get to know everyone as it once was which is unfortunately. If you cannot find a place for yourself in your house then by all means drop but I would encourage you to try your very best to make a sincere effort to keep an open mind and try to find a path forward that works for you. If you have a solid group of 6 friends in your pledge class then that is great as in the end its your class that pulls you through the ups and downs. Best of luck!
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