if frats were nfl teams
by: Roger goodell
Sig Chi- Philadelphia Eagles- tons of dirty philly but they know how to party. Came out on top last year but had to have a lot of things fall their way. For every Carson Wentz they also have a Nick foles but still gets the job done. Team knows how to win and is very douchy about it
Sig Ep- New England Patriots- were a party or two away from coming on top. Also a bunch of pretty boy white boys but they know how to ball. Can win a ring any year
SAE- Atlanta Falcons- have a great house (stadium) but don't do much with it. matt ryan just looks like an SAE. A bit soft but oh so close to the top. it was around the time of spring 16 and the Super Bowl that they started to fall a bit (28-3) you always wonder what could've been and if they missed their window
Pikapp- Jacksonville Jaguars- young up and coming team that isn't quite ready for the big dogs but is a party or pledge class away. Still have their share of Blake bortles and despite all their attempts to be flashy are still Jacksonville
ZBT- New York Giants- you never know what you're gonna get. Sometimes they'll beat the best team in the league and then put up 0 points the next couple of weeks. Roster is getting better and younger but have a LOT of holes to fill, really only a few obj's the rest are elis
Beta- Indianapolis colts- just as boring as Andrew luck, yes they're athletic and play the right way but not really competitive until they can prove something post Peyton manning, get blown out vs the big dogs in the league
Phi Delt- New York Jets- haven't and won't be good for years but will be mediocre for a while
Aepi, Ksig, Pike, Sammy, Lambda, Asig- Cleveland browns- always claim to be on the come up- have one win in the past 2 years.
Comment#4 by: 1 Step Further
How about Frats as college football teams. Miami is excluded for obvious reasons.
Sigma Chi: Ohio State. The dominant "blue collar" team of the North. Kind of a gritty vibe and boring unaesthetic style but have sustained excellence for a very long time. They lock down their territory (Ohio/PA for Ohio St and Jersey/LI for Sigma Chi).
Sig Ep: 1980s SMU. Balling on everyone due to a very particular set of circumstances. SMU locked down talent nationally by spreading cash around to recruits like no tomorrow. Similarly Sig Ep has exploited being off campus and the types of guys they attract to work completely outside of the normal rules of the system. Both Miami Sig Ep and SMU are also hilariously preppy.
SAE: Notre Dame. Been around forever. Get special treatment from administration. Categorically uncool, yet they insist they "do things the right way." Unbearably smug with unearned superiority complexes. Both haven't been elite for a long time, but ask them about it and they'll tell you with a straight face they define their realms.
Pi Kapp: 2011 Oregon. Innovative. Making a lot of noise with uniforms and parties Oregon went uptempo offense, Pi Kapp has been cleaning up with Freshman girls who have self esteem issues and excessive alcohol consumption. Unfortunately won't be able to get over the hump and take the crown because of depth issues (D-Line and O-Line for Oregon. Moderately creepy upperclassmen for Pi Kapp).
ZBT: UCLA. Always have a lot of hype. Have had surprisingly strong recruiting classes recently. Definitely big city oriented. Have their followings. When the 4th quarter comes orr Mansion is over you know these guys are washed.
Beta: Wisconsin. Strong, unexciting, plodding squads. No weaknesses but not exciting enough to take it to the next level. No natural recruiting territory for elite prospects.
Sammy: 2017 Florida Gators. A once proud program reduced to a shell of itself.
Everyone else: Group of 5 schools. Ain't nobody care about the Sun Belt, American, MAC or Conference USA. Temple, Bowling Green, Marshall is hard to get worked up over. Even when UCF went undefeated last year they weren't in contention for playoffs.
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