re: sorority rushing
by: Concerned parent
As a parent with a daughter who wants to participate in Fall Rush, I find myself in disbelief to what I read and what I see. 1st - I sit and wonder how a Sorority can possibly judge 1700 girls based on a 5-10 minute superficial conversation?
2nd - Is my daughter being judged only by her looks and what she is wearing at the time? How does a Sorority truly know if she would be a good fit or not based upon 2 or 3 conversations?
3rd - I sit and read all the reviews and can't belief how Sororities are being reviewed and tiers determines more by the attractiveness of the latest Pledge class vs. community service - things that truly matter. Since when does rushing become a Miss USA contest?
4th - I sit and read the reviews as one Sorority bashes another. I thought this was College and not High School?
My daughter is beautiful on the inside and out and I truly do not want this for her. I will support her only because it is what she wants.
For the record, I am not the only parent extremely disillusioned by the entire UF Sorority Rushing process.
#21by: Final note
To everyone who says "how can the houses decide after a 15 minute conversation! it is obviously about looks!" bear in mind that the chapters all have your daughter's resume, grades, and letters of recommendation beforehand. Involvement and such factor in plenty, the 15 minute conversation with one or two members is just a piece of the puzzle.
Comment#22by: calm down everyone
My daughter was cut from all houses except 2 so she dropped out. I am upset but looking back at the situation and after talking to my daughter all day yesterday I have to say that everything happens for a reason. I am an involved mother and even though I did not even go to college to know how this works, we knew the negative side. We had heard of some girls getting cut and we knew there were more girls applying than spots available. My daughter is moving on. Luckily there are so many other organizations at UF to get involved in and I know in my heart that this experience will make her a stronger woman. This is life. At the next level it might be a job interview that she does not get. Life is full of disappointments and not everyone should get a trophy. I know how many of you feel because we are digesting this but lets look on the positive side of things as hard as it is.
by: Reality
Mom's, I might agree with you if all factors were equal in the rushing process. I am fully aware that my daughter will have hardships and disappointments ahead in her life when she emerges into the working world. At least there, she'll be able to compete based on her resume, credentials, etc... My issue is that if your daughter isn't a "10" she never had a chance in the rushing process and especially with the "top tier" sororities. I know this to be true because I see the girls that are being selected around her. I never expected anything to be handed to my daughter but I also didn't expect her to be rejected because she doesn't fit the model mode. She'll get over it in time but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. What a way for her to start her college experience!
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by: to Reality
I really don't understand what you want here. The sororities have limited spots, there's tough competition. You keep saying your daughter got cut because she wasn't a "10" as if that was the only deciding factor. Trust me, there are many non-"10"s in the "top" sororities. And even if the sorority's only deciding factor was looks, than why are you so upset? wouldn't you rather your daughter not be in such a shallow group of friends? Basically, you know your daughter better than anyone else, and she may be as wonderful as you say here, but ultimately that didn't come through in the rush process and so she was cut. C'est la vie. There are plenty of great on-campus organizations at UF, your daughter will have the time of her life. Go gators.
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by: Go Gator Mom
I agree with you that I don't want my daughter in such a shallow environment. I never wanted her to rush to begin with. But now I am the one dealing with my daughter who is devastated. She's a smart girl who can rationalize all of this in her head but not yet in her heart. I know in time things will be fine but it's the NOW that concerns me. All of her friends got into different sororities but her so everyday will be a constant reminder. If you know a quick fix to helping her move forward, I welcome it.
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by: well
Why doesn't she go out for Gamma Phi Beta? They are colonizing and it would be very special to be a founder.
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#23by: Sympathy
Anyone who is released entirely from recruitment had my sympathy. That's tough.
Anyone who drops because her final one or two houses "werent a fit" I have less sympathy for. Hmm, were those final one or two houses the same that are ranked lowly here on this mean, superficial website? But no, of course your daughter isn't "not really comfortable" there based on looks or reputation. She'd never decide on such shallow criteria. Of course not. /end rant
by: To Rant
All of the houses have pretty girls so shame on you for such comments. I agree if a girl doesn't select a house because of the tier rankings. However, I speak from personal experience when I tell you that every girl does not fit into every house. Should a girl accept a bid just to accept one?
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by: K
Thank you. I feel for these girls, but the demands of their mothers are insane. Two more houses are being established to accommodate more numbers. These are SOCIAL organizations primarily. We rush based on who we get along with and can see ourselves bonding with, and that encompasses being ambitiously involved, well put together and cute, and mostly a good conversation and personality through their social media or connectictions. Referrals mean nothing to us in practice, sorry. A family friend in a different chapter does not mean that we are going to hit it off, so it doesn't affect my opinion. We cut gorgeous girls who seem standoffish, and charming girls who wear too much makeup. It's not purely superficial, but it's a quick and massive round of decisions, every time. The process is hard but nobody is intentionally "brutalizing" random girls, we're choosing girls we can see as sisters, and she's not one. Pi chi's put an immense amount of effort into the emotional well-being of the girls. You may think the conversations went well, and that's because we want everyone to feel that way. We work hard to be smooth, fluid, and super respectful of every girl coming through, even if we don't invite them back, and that's the way it should be. We want to be sweet and kind because we know the process is hard, but we don't owe anyone a bid. And if you didn't click at a house, weren't you still nice to them? And then to brutally withdraw, what a terrible process you put them through!
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#24by: Sympathy
To "to rant" - every house does have pretty girls! That's the point of the rant. Every house has talented, beautiful women, yet the very same people who cry about how the process is all based on looks and popularity despite promises that girls are cut because they "aren't a good fit" (a valid complaint) are often the same ones who decide that a house ranked lowly here "isn't a good fit." I'm calling out the hypocrisy.
by: Sympathy
I also could care less if a house or a PNM wants to make a decision on looks, reputation with guys, etc. That's their prerogative, if a dumb one. What upsets me are people on their high horse who can't acknowledge that "not a right fit" runs both ways.
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by: Hypocrisy
Everyone can sit and judge all they want. My daughter was completely cut. Don't sit and tell me that you truly accessed all her attributes and what she could contribute to your house in a minimal interview. I don't believe it. In addition, she also had reference letters from alumni sent on her behalf from those who truly knew here and thought she would be a good fit. I don't care what tier any of the sororities are or are not. The rushing process is biased and not reflective of the responses that I have read. I wish it was but it's not.
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by: Hypocrisy
#25by: Lets stop please
This process is no different anywhere else and it is real life. Rejection is harsh. My daughter had friends who were rejected from admission to UF when they had better qualities than those admitted. There were a lot of years then an angry parents then. It's te same thing. Lets all just agree to disagree. Spewing negativity will not help our daughters who will have no sorority this year - it was just not meant to be - period. Our daughters are at the beat university and there is a lot to look forward to. Let go of the negatives please.
#26by: Angry Mom
My daughter got cut from the process ad guess who didn't? Yes, all her Barbie doll looking friends. Guess what sororities are rushing them? Yes, the top tier sororities. Let me see. None of them held leadership roles in high school. They all had the mandatory community service hours required to graduate. Let me see. My daughter held several leadership roles in high school as well as had over 1000 hours in community service. My daughter is pretty but is not the Barbie look. I'm so angry. My daughter wanted a home away from home. Instead, she was rejected. Don't tell me to get over it. As a mother sitting on the sideline helplessly as this all happened don't tell me this was a life lesson. UF needs to change either the rushing process, increase the # of bids, add more sorority houses to accommodate the #'s, etc... UF's Panhellenic Council needs to do something. Please.
by: Angry Mom
I take offense to your comment. My daughter is beautiful on the inside and out...and may be a Barbie Doll" in your eyes and you say it in a negative way towards my daughter....
God gives everyone gift...some were a more attractive appearance in societies view, some have higher IQ's, Some have more athletic ability and get scholarships, some are smooth talkers....ect. You use what you are given to make the most of every circumstance....
In different situations, different attributes are more relevant...it is just the way the world works.....
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by: To Other Angry Mom
You will interpret my words as you choose. My daughter's friends do look like Barbie dolls and I love them. They're the total package. My issue is with the rushing process and the emphasis placed on the girls with the Barbie looks when there is no substance behind the looks. They don't have the criteria that the Sororities claim to look for. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
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#27by: Wow
@angry mom. We feel for you but unfortunately our kids are grown and on their own. When they danced or in volleyball everyone got a trophy because that's the way our society has become. Of course you are angry it more than anything it hurts. Holding that anger is not a good example for your daughter or mine. This is real life and its not fair.
by: Angry Mom
I agree with you Wow that life isn't fair. I am not one of those mothers who believe their child is the end all and great at all things. I do know many mothers like that though. I am a realist. I know my children's strengths and weaknesses. I also know that if we choose to remain silent and passive then nothing will ever change. Complacency only teaches you to accept more of life's disappointments. I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. I hope that all mothers express their sentiments to the UF Panhellenic council. I intend to do so.
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#28by: Hello
Hello angry mom. Sorry to hear the disappointment. I am an alumnae of UF and graduated in 1983. I know that's a long time ago. In my first year I rushed and it was the same exact process and I did not get a bid. Even the newspaper (we all remember the Alligator) wrote an article that my own mom showed her her friends at that time about so many girls rushing and this process. I was mortified and embarrassed but I learned a lot from that experience. The first year I and home every day to my roommate who had been given a bid and who thrived in the Greek system. I met her friends and others and in my second year I rushed and got exactly what I wanted. This year my own daughter registered for rush and I warned her. She was dropped from my sorority house after 2nd round and called me in years. I reminded her of my story and wished her well but I am a strong supporter of the Greek system but its not always a happy ending and sometimes it is a learning experience for our kids that we can't control.
by: Angry Mom
To Hello. Thanks for your words and story. I'm anxious to hear how things turn out for your daughter. I'm hopeful my daughter gets the right mindset and let's all of this go without it changing her. My immediate concern is that it looks like her friend group are all getting in. How did you deal? Do you recommend that she tries again in the Spring? Is it easier once she has been on campus and meets people? I'll support her no matter what she decides.
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by: Hi
Just so you know only a couple of the houses do spring recruitment...it is generally very small
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by: Another Mom
To Hi. Do you know how many sororities and which ones do Spring Rush? My daughter wanted to wait a semester until rushing. We have no clue to the process or anything else. I have been reading all the comments and now have doubts.
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by: Also a UF mom
Agree with hello. We can't control how things work but should encourage our children to turn a negative experience to a positive one. How else will they grow up to be a happy matured individuals and great moms one day? I have a daughter who was as nervous and stressed as other PNM , called me up after every house she visited from day 1 til the bus ride on bid day, supported and listened but deep inside nervous like her. She opened that envelope, stared at her card in bewilderment . went on the bus , took a pic width her new sis and house.. At the end of the day, I asked her "are you ok?" She said " yes and I will know after 6 weeks. I will try. I am looking forward to my next chapter .. Being a Greek and part of UF is such as a blessing." Told her pray and thank God for all your blessings. She may not have gotten what she wanted but she described her ride as amazing. She is not " Barbie" but we always believed that we are all beautiful beautiful barbies inside and out. We should not judge others but lift them through difficult times.
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by: Also a UF mom
Agree with hello. We can't control how things work but should encourage our children to turn a negative experience to a positive one. How else will they grow up to be a happy matured individuals and great moms one day? I have a daughter who was as nervous and stressed as other PNM , called me up after every house she visited from day 1 til the bus ride on bid day, supported and listened but deep inside nervous like her. She opened that envelope, stared at her card in bewilderment . went on the bus , took a pic width her new sis and house.. At the end of the day, I asked her "are you ok?" She said " yes and I will know after 6 weeks. I will try. I am looking forward to my next chapter .. Being a Greek and part of UF is such as a blessing." Told her pray and thank God for all your blessings. She may not have gotten what she wanted but she described her ride as amazing. She is not " Barbie" but we always believed that we are all beautiful beautiful barbies inside and out. We should not judge others but lift them through difficult times.
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by: Also a UF mom
Agree with hello. We can't control how things work but should encourage our children to turn a negative experience to a positive one. How else will they grow up to be a happy matured individuals and great moms one day? I have a daughter who was as nervous and stressed as other PNM , called me up after every house she visited from day 1 til the bus ride on bid day, supported and listened but deep inside nervous like her. She opened that envelope, stared at her card in bewilderment . went on the bus , took a pic width her new sis and house.. At the end of the day, I asked her "are you ok?" She said " yes and I will know after 6 weeks. I will try. I am looking forward to my next chapter .. Being a Greek and part of UF is such as a blessing." Told her pray and thank God for all your blessings. She may not have gotten what she wanted but she described her ride as amazing. She is not " Barbie" but we always believed that we are all beautiful beautiful barbies inside and out. We should not judge others but lift them through difficult times.
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by: Also a UF mom
Agree with hello. We can't control how things work but should encourage our children to turn a negative experience to a positive one. How else will they grow up to be a happy matured individuals and great moms one day? I have a daughter who was as nervous and stressed as other PNM , called me up after every house she visited from day 1 til the bus ride on bid day, supported and listened but deep inside nervous like her. She opened that envelope, stared at her card in bewilderment . went on the bus , took a pic width her new sis and house.. At the end of the day, I asked her "are you ok?" She said " yes and I will know after 6 weeks. I will try. I am looking forward to my next chapter .. Being a Greek and part of UF is such as a blessing." Told her pray and thank God for all your blessings. She may not have gotten what she wanted but she described her ride as amazing. She is not " Barbie" but we always believed that we are all beautiful beautiful barbies inside and out. We should not judge others but lift them through difficult times.
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#29by: Hello
Angry mom: yes it is easier after going one year and many many girls in your situation do just that. They drop as freshmen and then do it the next year. For me it was the best because there were girls I met in my freshman year that I was glad I had not been able to join their sororities. My roommate and lifelong friend introduced me to all the girls and I was older and more knowledgable goin back into it. Lets face it UF is competitive an that's why our girls are there. They do survive and thrive. Today my daughter is focused on her classes and has called concerned about how hard te engineering program will be. Again I told her I support her but I refuse to baby her. She is making these decisions. I have learned after dealing with her 3 older brothers. Good luck
#30by: Recent Alumna
I totally understand where you are coming from. Rush Week was terribly stressful for me and I dropped out mid week only to rush again in the spring. Spring rush is much more informal and you get to know the girls much better; downside is that not many chapters do Spring rush anymore because it purpose is to fill any remaining spots from Fall. My mother had told me to not bother with a sorority after my initial experience, but I am so glad that I did because my chapter made the rest of my college experience so fulfilling.
My best advice for your daughter would be to look for houses where you feel more comfortable. Look for places with girls that you could see yourself being friends with now, not girls who you think you want to become. That's how I found my home.
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by: yes
Very well put. We live in an age where many people think everyone should get a trophy so feelings are not hurt. This does not prepare our children for what lies ahead. Life is full of disappointments. We need to embrace them and grow from them. Look to what is ahead, and not dwell on what now is in the past....
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