sorority help?

thank you for the advice! i really appreciate it:)

yes! both times i’ve gone through:( and i know everyone says “trust the process”, and i really tried to give the sororities a chance both times i’ve gone through, but i just did not see myself at any of the sororities i had left. all of the sororities i truly felt like i belonged at dropped me after the 2nd round, which really left me feeling sad and discouraged.

the girls at those houses know their sisterhood better than you do, and know better than you do if you will fit with them. You don't really know where you'll really fit in, they do. Not to say you shouldn't have any opinions about any, especially if you had some super negative experience somewhere, but otherwise, every house is almost the same. Just a bunch of girls and some girls you will click with and some you won't, so if you want to be in a sorority you should really have given the houses who DID want you to be their sister a try unless you had a realllly good reason not to. They saw something special in you. Also seeing that you went through before and just didn't like your options doesn't always look good and some houses won't like you for that reason because it comes off as thinking you're better than some houses. Theres a lot that goes into formal, my advice is to really check out informal. it's a much more intimate and relaxed way to get to know houses in a more realistic way without all the fake peppy attitudes and bells and whistles of formal recruitment. Best of luck hun!

i think i’m gonna try to do informal, and really hope it works out:) my whole family has done greek life, and i know how awesome it can be, which is why i want to be in it so bad haha! i will let ya know what happens! thank you so much:)

thank you! that honestly makes me feel so better to know that i am not the only one! i hope that you can find your home too:) hoping for the best for you!!

I think it has been very hard trying to keep an open mind about sororities, but I’m trying to work on it. One of my regrets from rushing last year was that I didn’t have enough of an open mind. It’s been very hard trying to get past the idea that people “know that it’s their home as soon as they walked in.” A lot of girls I talked to (both during and not during recruitment) said they experienced this, so I think I just kept my expectations WAY too high last year (and even this year). But I knew I could not see myself with the 2 houses I had left after sisterhood (I had not-so-great times at both and it was very awkward and strained). I know that these are homes for many girls, but I knew it wasn’t the home for me.

And I had a really good GPA both this year and last year. Unfortunately, and this is my biggest regret of this year, I wasn’t as involved on campus as I should have been. I went through a really hard time first semester, and most days, it was hard for me to even get out of bed. I’m trying to get better, though. But I didn’t want to tell people this when I was rushing because I’m still embarrassed about it and that’s a lot of very personal information when meeting someone for the first time. And I don’t know a lot of girls from sororities, but I knew girls from two sororities. I was really good friends with one in high school, and I ended up getting to know some of her friends from her sorority — I was even in a class with one of them and we would always sit together and talk. My friend even gave me a little “boost” (idk how to describe it) in my score because she was good friends with me. But both of the chapters that I had friends in dropped me after the first round.

So, I’m really hoping that some chapters go through informal so I can give Greek life one more shot. I know that it’s not the end of the world if I don’t end up joining a sorority, but my mom and older sister have really tried to help me and have really reiterated that they want me to be in a sorority (they both were in one in college and loved it). I feel like I’m letting both myself and them down when I didn’t join a sorority. I don’t know how to describe it very well. I just really want to join because Greek life is really important for my family.

Sorry this is so long haha

You’re not letting anyone down by not being in a sorority. It’s not for everyone. Only join if you actually feel like being part of the sisterhood, not because you feel obligated to your family. That could have come across in your conversations and potentially hurt you.

If you’re a legacy to any of the chapters on campus, you should definitely have made that clear to those chapters in particular by having your mom & sister fill out a legacy form, but I wouldn’t bring it up to chapters other than your legacy unless it’s a sorority not on campus. If you talk about how your mom and sister were both APhi and you want to join a sorority because your family members loved being in APhi, the other chapters will think you just want to be in APhi.

If your friend in a chapter you liked told you she “gave you a boost” but you still got dropped after the first round, she was more than likely sparing your feelings. It sucks, but oftentimes just one friend isn’t enough to make a big impact since many actives have at least one PNM friend too.

At the end of the day, you can try again, but really evaluate if you want to be in a sorority for the right reasons.

i DO want to be in a sorority not just because of my sister and my mom; i’m really looking for sisterhood (sorry if that wasn’t clear). i think not being in one made me feel like more of a failure to them, though.

i did fill out the legacy sheet online before recruitment, but i don’t think any of the houses i’m a legacy to don’t care as much about legacy as others (which is totally fine). i didn’t tell any other of the houses about my legacies... when they asked why i wanted to be in a sorority i told them it was because i wanted that sisterhood and to feel more connected to campus (which is true — that is the main reason why i want to be in a sorority).

sorry if i wasn’t completely clear haha