The Legend of Alpha Sigma Phi: Frat or Intergalactic

Alright, listen up, Greek Rankers. Word on the street is that Alpha Sigma Phi isn’t your average fraternity. Oh no, they’re not just throwing ragers and playing pong like the rest of us mere mortals. They’re on another level—possibly another planet.

Here’s what I’ve uncovered about the mythical Alpha Sig boys:

Their House is Basically Area 51
Ever noticed how their house is suspiciously clean? Like, there’s no sticky beer residue or rogue pizza boxes. Rumor has it they’ve got a Roomba named Chad who was programmed by NASA. One time I heard Chad vacuumed a keg. The whole keg.

They Speak in Tongues (aka Bro-ese)
You think they're yelling “let’s goooo,” but if you listen closely, it’s actually an ancient chant to summon the ghost of a forgotten pledge who got lost in the basement in 1998.

The Alpha Sig Formal Was at an Amazon Warehouse
No one knows how they got permission to rent it out, but apparently, Jeff Bezos himself showed up in a toga. One brother reportedly left with a bulk order of pool noodles and a forklift.

They Invented Ranch Pong
Beer pong is for amateurs. Alpha Sig plays with ranch dressing in the cups. The loser has to drink it, and no one has survived long enough to tell the tale.

They Have a Pet Llama Named Dave
Dave has been spotted at tailgates wearing a snapback and aviators. He’s got more Instagram followers than the entire chapter combined. Apparently, he’s also a pledge trainer, which explains why new members are always covered in hay.

They Throw Parties with Themes No One Understands
“Crocs and Stocks,” “Toga but Make It Fashion,” “My Dad’s a CPA,” and the legendary “Dress as Your Favorite Excel Shortcut.” No one ever knows what’s going on, but everyone shows up anyway.

Their House Mom is a Retired WWE Wrestler
If you try to steal composites or break in during a scavenger hunt, she will suplex you through the coffee table. That’s not a threat—it’s a promise.

They Have an “Honorary Brother” Who’s a Goldfish
His name is Mr. Bubbles, and he has his own composite picture. He’s also the treasurer, which explains why their budgets always mysteriously go towards “snack expenses.”

So yeah, Alpha Sigma Phi isn’t just a frat. It’s an experience. If you’re lucky enough to stumble into one of their parties, just know you might leave with more questions than answers. Or, like, a llama spit stain on your shirt.

Stay weird, Alpha Sig. Never change. 🐟👊