What a day to be one of gods’ favorites!

As I woke up this morning, I stretched, let out a nice long yawn, and let the rays of sun glisten on my face. This was god shining upon me, letting me know that I was chosen.

After my morning Spanish 101 class (I’m woke and totally gonna relate closer to kids in my new pc) I go to the cafeteria. “I think I’ll spice it up with a little Sazon today!☺️” I say to myself. “Can I get the pole-o please?” I say smiling at the server while I look around to see if the Latino kids in my pc notice me.

I take my beautiful bowl and consider going into Krafthouse, but I’m appalled by what I see: several KA freshmen sitting in a booth and a pair of legs poking out from under the table. They appear to be Sean’s, but I thought rush was over?… I look to the smaller tables notice SNU’s entire pledge class filling up two of the small tables. Funny that they thought I’d ever come there🤣.

I was meant to be one of gods’ chosen, so he guided me to the place where my soon-to-be brothers sat: third floor perkins library. This place felt like home to me! I give all of my Spanish-speaking friends a nice friendly “hola amigo!” And then walk past them (we are not used to talking for more than thirty seconds). This is the life! At one table, Jack was telling everyone about how great his relationship was with his ex girlfriend, and Ben was teaching everyone that “no” doesn’t actually mean no. As my mother told me: surround yourself with people who are intellectually stimulating! But I’m switching it up today, I’ll sit with my idol and DJ legend: Tarun. We had a great talk about how the gym can really build up someone’s self confidence, but the baby chair he sat in was getting uncomfortable, so the conversation was cut short.

As my day began to wrap up, I ran into some of the guys I rushed with who went Pike. It was so pathetic that I laughed in their face! This was a tactic some of our older guys taught us to use, “any kids that left us for mid frats should be laughed at like the worms they are!” they said. I laughed, laughed again, and then laughed some more. These pathetic mortals couldn’t touch me, daddy (god) wouldn’t let them.

As I began to settle in for bed, I got a message: “First pledge task” it said. My eyes widened as I read my first mission as an Adphi disciple: “practice using Greekrank.” For the next hour, I wrote up 14 possible drafts to slander the other frats — anything was on the table for those who would oppose god’s will! I manufactured instances of SA, abuse, explicit conversations, and so much more! Daddy would be so proud!

It was another perfect day in the most perfect frat. I knew god picked me for a reason!